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Category Archives: Randolph
Randolph Buys Beer!
Randolph goes to the store. He looks at the choices. He buys everything else he needs, then comes back and looks at the choices. He drools. He stands to the left and thinks. He adjusts himself. He wonders out loud if one brand is cheaper by the ounce than another. He discovers that this information [...]
Dogboy Uses a New Invention!
Randolph says, -Dogboy, I got pimple.
Dogboy says, -That good luck.
-Good luck? Haven’t heard that.
-Good luck for me.
-And why that?
-New invention. I try it out.
-Dogboy, what you doing with empty crate?
-New invention.
Dogboy sets crate on ground upside-down.
-Step on.
Randolph steps on.
Randolph says, -Dogboy, how this cure pimple?
-Doesn’t. Makes taller, though. Success!
Dogboy Escapes a Bomb!
Randolph exits bathroom.
Randolph says, -Don’t go in there.
In Dogboy’s head, politeness turns into desire to get coffee down the block.
They leave.
Dogboy Does Karaoke!
Dogboy and Randolph sit at bar.
Dogboy flips through song book.
Randolph writes song down.
Dogboy says, -What song you doing?
Randall says, -Sepultura, “Roots Bloody Roots”.
-You have throat operation for that?
-What?
-Never mind.
In Dogboy’s head, the right song to sing appears in book.
In song book, the right half of Dogboy’s head appears.
In Dogboy’s shirt pocket, paper to write song [...]
Dogboy Gets Spam!
Dogboy goes into living room.
Randolph says, -That was quick.
Dogboy says, -I decided not check email.
-Why not?
-Too much spam. No fun.
-I laugh at spam. Especially when spam says my penis small. ‘Cause I have biiiiiig penis dude.
-I get those. Viagra spam too. And ‘Fifth Third Bank’ notifications.
-Well I don’t sweat spam. [...]
Dogboy Watches TV!
Randolph says, -Dogboy! Game is on!
Dogboy says, -What game?
-Raiders Dogboy! Where you been?
-Thought we were going to plan Girl’s birthday party.
-Yes! While we watch game!
Randolph pokes TV insistently with finger.
Randolph says, -Dogboy, why your TV not turn on?
-Not plugged in.
-What? And why TV angled this way?
-Sit, Dogboy says, pointing at chair.
Randolph [...]
Dogboy Conquers Europe!
Dogboy rolls dice.
Randolph says, -Three sixes again. You have taken all Europe, dammit.
Dogboy thinks, I don’t care. That’s how I can roll so well.
Randolph says, -Well, I fight tough in Africa, then.
Dogboy says -That’s okay. I stop now.
-Dogboy, you have all Europe and Asia. You win if you keep advantage.
-I just [...]
Dogboy Goes To The Park!
Dogboy pushes Girl on swing while Randolph pontificates.
Randolph says –Hippies are like butthole of people.
Dogboy says –Why you hate hippies?
-Dogboy I never told you. They stole car stereo two years ago.
-You saw?
-No. Just know they did.
-What, all them?
-Yes.
Dogboy thinks, Randolph hates who he has become and has cut off his imagination.
The girl says [...]
Dogboy Goes to the Moon III